Relent Read online

  “I guess I just don’t know how he feels about it,” I say. “Because it hasn’t happened since. And we haven’t really talked about it.”

  She lowers her hand, frowning a little bit. “Did you…enjoy it?”

  For the first time in a long time, I let myself think about that night with Levi. About the intensity in his eyes when he looked down at me. About the fiery path he kissed across my skin. About the way my body had seemed to come alive under his touch.

  “Wow,” Paige whispers. “Obviously you did.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You should see your face, K. There are clearly some steamy scenes running through your head right now.”

  I feel my cheeks heat, and I try to cover them—not fast enough.

  “Are you blushing?” Paige cries. “Holy shit. That must have been some night. Please tell me about it. Please.”

  “Fine.” I take a deep breath. It might be kind of nice, to tell someone about this. Besides, it’s one part of my increasingly weird relationship with Levi that I can be honest about. “We hooked up one night after…he got done with work.”

  Not a lie, not really.

  She nods, pulling her legs up to her chest, eyes wide. “Go on.”

  “It was one of those really surprising connections, you know? I guess it shouldn’t have been—I’d felt this tension growing between us the whole night. We were talking and sharing a drink, and then I just… I kissed him.”

  “Wow,” she murmurs. “You’re always so brave about stuff like that.”

  “I don’t know if I would call it brave,” I mutter. “Drunk, maybe.”

  “Was it a good kiss?” she asks.

  I remember the feel of his lips against mine, how he had gone from surprised to into it in such a short amount of time. Like me kissing him had opened up some kind of floodgate in him. “It was amazing,” I admit, and she sighs happily.

  “What happened then?”

  I shake my head to clear it from memories of Levi kissing me, his hands around my waist, pulling me so close in that frozen night air.

  “We tried to go about our night,” I say. “Not like we were pretending it didn’t happen or anything. It was more like…we agreed to let it simmer, you know? Without even saying a word to each other. There was a feeling that just kept growing. Like I knew something else was going to happen, and I was just waiting for it to…catch fire.”

  “Holy shit,” Paige says, giggling as she fans herself.

  I grin. “That was pretty much the entirety of my inner monologue at the time. When we kissed again, it was like… I can’t even describe it. It felt like I had been waiting for a hell of a lot longer than one night, I’ll tell you that.”

  “Where was I when all of this was happening?”

  I squirm, feeling a little uncomfortable, not wanting to explain the whole Colorado thing, wanting to protect Levi’s privacy about where he’d been working. “You were with Reed.”

  She nods. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

  “I didn’t know how I felt about it.”

  She makes a face. “Which is why you talk to your best friend to work it out.”

  “You’re right. I should have told you.” About a lot more than that kiss, I think to myself, feeling sad.

  “So you kissed again and then…” she urges, leaning into her knees.

  “And then we basically collapsed onto his bed.” Paige giggles. “When he took his shirt off…” I widen my eyes. “Wow. That’s all I’m going to say.”

  She grins mischievously. “All those days lifting amps paid off, huh?”

  “Girl, you have no idea. I’m talking like, Chris Hemsworth buff.”

  She whistles. “Wow.”

  I nod. “Exactly.”

  “So great kisser, awesome body. I’m going to assume the sex was spectacular.”

  “A lady doesn’t divulge,” I murmur in my best Southern accent, but I waggle my eyebrows at her and she laughs.

  “I’ll take that as a yes.” She looks thoughtful. “You know, I’m not surprised. He’s so nice, you know? It’s great to sleep with a guy who’s nice to you.” It’s her turn to waggle her eyebrows. “And his reputation for always taking care of everyone would come in handy, huh?”

  I snort. “His reputation doesn’t do him justice.” We both dissolve into giggles, and I realize that I’m really glad she pressed me into talking about this. Sleeping with Levi was probably the best night I’d had in the last year. Just because it didn’t turn into anything else, and just because things were complicated right now, didn’t mean that I couldn’t enjoy reminiscing.

  “Actually,” I say, feeling a wicked grin spread across my face, “at least part of his reputation isn’t well deserved.”

  Paige’s eyes go very wide. “Really? What part?”

  “He isn’t always nice. And it’s pretty damn amazing when he isn’t.”

  Paige squeals, covering her face with her hands, and I crack up. That’s how Reed and Cash find us a moment later, both giggling hysterically on the couch.

  “What’s so funny?” Cash asks, but Reed looks between us with a knowing expression on his face.

  “I have a feeling I don’t want to know.”

  I grin. “What makes you say that?”

  He points at Paige. “I know that look. You’re talking about something…inappropriate.”

  Paige snorts. “What are you, twelve?”

  “Just leave me out of it,” Reed says. “And if this conversation has anything to do with Levi, for the love of all things holy, please hit pause until I’m out of the room.”

  Cash makes a face like he just downed a shot of pure lemon juice. “Levi,” he mutters. “I still can’t believe it.”

  “What is it you can’t believe?” Levi asks, appearing behind Cash in the doorway.

  “Nothing,” Cash says so quickly that I wonder if maybe he’s been instructed by someone to lay off of Levi.

  Levi, however, isn’t buying it. He rolls his eyes as he joins us in the lounge. “Let me guess—you’re still marveling at the fact that I somehow managed to get myself a girlfriend.”

  I lean back in my chair. “I mean, I am pretty awesome.”

  “True.”

  Paige sighs next to me, and when I look over at her, I see that she’s looking between Levi and me with a happy grin. “You guys are so cute.”

  “Well, if anyone feels like actually working today, I have some instructions from management,” Levi says, crossing his arms and leaning against the side of the fridge. “Of course, if you’d rather sit here and gossip about my relationship status like a bunch of teenagers, I guess we could do that too.”

  “What instructions?” Reed asks.

  Levi points at him and Cash. “They just added a few radio spots to your schedule. Which means you guys need to leave in like the next five minutes.”

  Cash groans. “Awesome.”

  “And Paige, they want to see some artwork for the meet and greet posters. They just confirmed the dates.”

  Unlike Cash, Paige doesn’t groan. In fact, she looks downright excited about the prospect of extra work. “Awesome,” she says, clapping her hands. “I’ve been looking forward to doing something in print. I’ve been so bogged down with the website.” She grabs her computer from her bunk. “I’m going to go work in the dressing room,” she says, waggling her eyebrows at me. “Give you two some privacy.”

  “Aren’t you coming to the radio spots?” Cash asks Levi.

  “Nope. Still have to get equipment loaded. You guys are on your own.”

  Paige slips an arm around Reed’s waist and pulls him toward the door. “Come on, I’ll walk you to the car.”

  Once they’re gone, Levi plops down next to me on the couch. “We’re so cute, huh?”

  “According to Paige. She’s very much Team Kevi.”

  “Kevi?”

  I widen my eyes at him. “Didn’t you know? That’s our couple name.”

  �
�Oh dear God,” he mutters, rubbing a hand over his eyes. “We’re Kevi.”

  “Personally, I would have gone with Laren, but Paige has naming rights.”

  He removes his hand from over his eyes to look at me. “You think maybe this is going too far?”

  I shrug. “I don’t know. Paige is like, really into it. And that makes me feel really shitty.” I swallow and hold up my phone. “On the other hand, there are zero text messages or emails from Dan on this thing. He hasn’t tried to talk to me all day.”

  Levi runs his hand across the back of his neck. “I, uh, may have told him to back off. As your boyfriend, you know.”

  “You did?”

  His brown eyes search my face. “Yeah. Is that okay with you?”

  “Levi, it’s fantastic!” I hold up my hand to give him a high five. “That’s exactly what I was hoping would come from this.”

  “Oh, good.” He looks relieved. “If you feel like you don’t want to lie to Paige, I understand. But if you want to continue…”

  “Daltrey still talking to you?”

  “He just offered me a beer.”

  I laugh. “Well I’m game to keep it up if you are.”

  Levi slings an arm over my shoulder. “Kevi it is.”

  We sit in silence for a few moments. Normally, just sitting around with Levi is completely comfortable, but today, I’m trying hard to keep my mind from remembering the details of our night together that my discussion with Paige had brought to the surface—a task that is much harder now that we’re sitting so close together, Levi’s arm resting casually over my shoulders.

  “That must be nice,” he says, distracting me from thoughts of his shoulders, and how they had felt beneath my fingers…

  “What must be nice?” I ask, shaking my head a little to clear it.

  “Paige—did you see her face when I told her management had work for her to do?”

  “Paige has always been a major nerd when it comes to graphic design stuff. I can’t tell you how many times I had to drag her away from her computer to get her to come out to parties with me. For a person that prides herself on being the most fun one in the room, she works a hell of a lot.”

  “I used to feel like that,” he murmurs, voice thoughtful. “About work, I mean. Nothing else in the world made me so excited. But that was before…”

  “Before everything became tainted by despair and anger?”

  Levi snorts. “Am I really that dramatic?”

  “Do you really feel so differently about your work now? Because watching you these last few weeks—you seem pretty much as into it as you used to be.”

  Levi moves his arm from my shoulder to rub his face. “I don’t know. I think my future is still in music. I can’t really imagine doing anything else. And it does make me happy. I just don’t really know if this band is where I belong anymore.” He gives me a self-deprecating grin. “It’s all very complicated and emo in my head.”

  “At least you know you want to work in music,” I tell him, pulling my legs up under me to sit cross-legged on the couch. “I have no freaking clue what I want to do with my life.”

  “A few weeks away from your classes starting up again hasn’t made a business major look more attractive to you?”

  It’s my turn to snort. “Business is the major that I picked because it sounded stable and smart. And at that time in my life, I was all about trying to make myself stable and smart.”

  “What do you think you would have chosen otherwise?”

  “That’s the problem.” I find a loose string at the bottom of my jeans and concentrate on pulling at it so I don’t have to look at him. “When I said I had no idea, I really meant it. I was never one of those kids that used to daydream about what I wanted to be when I grew up.” I look up and roll my eyes. “Paige was one of those kids. She knew she wanted to work in art since we were in kindergarten. She always made the best macaroni picture frames in the whole class.”

  “If you didn’t daydream about your career, what did you daydream about?”

  I can’t possibly tell him that the only fantasy about my future that I ever had was to find a boyfriend who was absolutely crazy about me. It’s way too embarrassing. Instead, I just shrug.

  “Well, we should figure it out then,” he says, as if that’s the simplest thing in the world.

  “Figure out what I want to do with my life?”

  Levi spreads his palms flat on his knees. “Why not? It’s a pretty important question.”

  “Levi, I’m twenty credits from a bachelor’s in business administration. I don’t think this is really the time for me to consider a career change.”

  “I think it’s the perfect time,” he says, peering up into my face with an earnest expression. “Why would you want to graduate and start working in a field you’re not interested in?”

  “Because my dad already spent tens of thousands of dollars to get me this far. And I put in a hell of a lot of work to get here.”

  Levi waves his hands dismissively. “Neither of those is a good reason to spend the rest of your life unhappy.”

  My counterargument is on the tip of my tongue, but I stop suddenly, as his words register. Is he right? Am I about to commit myself to a life of unhappiness just because it’s next on my schedule? Somehow, I had never really thought of it that way.

  “The way I see it, Karen, you’re at a crossroads.”

  I smirk at the wise tone of his voice. “Really? Do tell me more.”

  He grins before continuing. “You have this break, right? These few months with no studying, no school, no parents. Basically no responsibilities besides folding T-shirts.”

  “Thanks,” I mutter. “Way to make me feel important to the team.”

  “You are important to the team.” His voice is firm. “You work really hard. But selling merch leaves you with a nice amount of free time, right? Why not use it to try to figure some stuff out?”

  I’m feeling uncomfortable about the conversation. I had never really talked about this stuff with anyone, not even Paige. I had always maintained that business was the best direction for me, and she had never questioned it.

  “I don’t know how to do that,” I say, tugging at the hem of my jeans in frustration. “Seriously, how do people figure this stuff out?” I shake my head. “It feels like everyone else has dreams, you know? Even far-fetched ones. Everyone has like, purpose. But I don’t. The only goal I ever had was to graduate school and get a good job. Did I like, miss that day of school, or something? When everyone sat down and figured out their dreams?”

  Levi turns to face me, bending one leg in front of him and leaning in with an intense expression. Then he holds up a finger. “Okay, first. I really don’t think everyone else knows exactly what they want. Think of how many people work shitty jobs that they hate. I would guess most people aren’t where they want to be.” He grins. “You just happen to be surrounding yourself with some over-achievers.”

  “Like the members of one of the most popular bands in the country.”

  “Exactly.” He raises a second finger. “Okay, next, just because you haven’t identified some important goal to work toward doesn’t mean you can’t come up with one. You’re young!”

  “That still doesn’t answer my question—how do I come up with something? If nothing has occurred to me yet, why do you think it suddenly will this summer?”

  “Because you have me this summer.” He says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “We’re supposed to be teammates, right? Allies? What the hell else am I here for?”

  “You mean besides shielding me from pitying glances and unwanted advances from my ex?”

  “I think I’m pretty capable of doing more than one thing at a time, Karen. I can help you with those things and help you figure out your…what’d you call it? Your purpose?”

  “You’re going to help me find my purpose.” I can’t keep the skepticism out of my voice. “In between running the road crew of Ransom and helping the
band with every little need they have.”

  He grins. “Piece of cake.”

  I can’t help laughing. He sounds so sure of himself, like all it will take is a little Levi magic and I’ll be fine. But that’s how he sees the world, I think. He sees problems as things to figure out, to fix, not obsess over. It’s obvious in the way he handles the brothers, everything from their schedules to their guitar picks to their fistfights. Nothing is too big for Levi to deal with.

  “Okay,” I say, laughing. “Help me find my purpose, Levi.”

  He rubs his hands together. “Excellent. I will be your guru.”

  “And how exactly do you plan on doing this?”

  He scrunches up his forehead, thinking. “Well, I’m not entirely sure yet. But I know I’ll think of something.”

  I stare at his confident face, not sure if I should laugh or scoff. But then he reaches over and squeezes my hand. “Allies, remember? I got this.”

  And somehow, I’m pretty sure he does.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Levi

  I spend the rest of the day trying to figure out how to help Karen with her problem. In between getting the stage set up, overseeing sound check, and reloading the equipment at the end of the night, my brain circles around and around the same question.

  If I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and one summer to figure it out, what would I do?

  When no brilliant strikes of inspiration have come to me by the time we’re all back on the bus, heading to the next destination, I sit Lennon down in the back lounge to get his opinion.

  “Hmm,” he says when I present the question. “I think I would just try a bunch of new things.”

  “New things,” I repeat. “Like what, exactly?”

  “I don’t know. I would…read new books.” Of course Lennon would suggest books. “And visit museums. Travel. Try new foods. Meet new people. Pick up a hobby or two. Look around online.”

  “That’s actually really good,” I say, my mind already planning all of the ways I can help Karen do those things.

  “What’s this about?” Lennon asks, suspicious. “Are you trying to come up with a new career so you can leave?”